Igbos vs Yorubas: Similarities in diversity

 

Although I can't say for certain when the war between the Igbos and Yorubas started, I know it's been ongoing long before I was born. While it’s not a full-fledged war, with fighting and whatnot, there is no doubt that the two Nigerian tribes are constantly at war. From the subtle, to the “in your face” insults they throw at each other. It is even difficult for each to refer to the other by their tribe. While the Igbos refer to the Yorubas as “Ndi Ofe mmanu”, which means “Oily soup people”, the Yorubas call the Igbos, “Ajeokuta ma mu omi”.This literally means “To eat a stone and not drink water.” This is because the Igbo people are known for eating eba and/or akpu (both cassava meals), which though not necessarily made hard, are not as soft as how the Yoruba people make theirs.

We are so accustomed to pointing out the differences between the two tribes that we fail to recognize the similarities that they share. While the two cultures and languages differ, there are similarities in the languages, even though little. For instance while the Yoruba word for mouth is “ẹnu”, the Igbos refer to it as “ọnụ’'. Other similar words are:

English: Ear
Yoruba: Eti
Igbo: Ntị

English: Nose
Yoruba: imú
Igbo: Imi

English: Stone
Yoruba: Okuta
Igbo: Okute

English: Amen
Yoruba: Ase
Igbo: Ise

English: A Twin
Yoruba: Ejire
Igbo: Ejime/Ejima

English: What
Yoruba: Kini
Igbo: Gini

English: He/she said
Yoruba: Oso
Igbo: Osi

We humans tend to focus on what makes us different from our neighbours, friends, family and even foes. Making the effort to see the similarities we share with others requires almost no energy and it leaves little room for criticism of those who are not like us. When we focus on differences, we tend to become judgmental; measuring others against us, our culture, traditions and standards. Nigeria is a multi-cultural nation, which is hard enough as it is. Instead of focusing on the different things that we think make us superior to our neighbours, why not focus on the similarities that make us one nation? We should shun prejudice, embrace our similarities and make Nigeria a better place.

Judging a book by its cover

All who know me well, know I have a huge crush on Cristiano Ronaldo. The one guy who has come close to displacing my No. 1 crush, FAZE. Before I set eyes on Ronaldo, Faze was my only crush. However, I fell in love with Ronaldo the moment I saw him. That gorgeous face and killer body and of course, his unparalleled skills. Small wonder I became a Man U fan after watching him play. After Ronaldo left Man U for Real Madrid, I considered switching teams, but I was now in love with Man U. I told myself that I don't have to be a madridista just because my star left Man U. I can remain a Man U fan and be a RONALDRISTA.

One fine morning, I was bored and decided to watch anything to kill the boredom. So, I went on YouTube and the first thing that caught my attention was a video titled, "Cristiano Ronaldo dressed as a homeless man”. Chai! “I have to watch this.” I thought to myself. Hearing Ronaldo’s name always makes me giddy. Seeing a video with his name attached to it was no different either. My mind was made up, I had to watch the video. In the video, Ronaldo hit the streets of Madrid, looking a little scruffy. He kicked a football around, occasionally asking passersby to play with him. Several of them avoided him, probably thinking he was some homeless, or crazy dude.

After realizing that the supposed homeless/crazy man, playing ball on the streets was Cristiano Ronaldo, the atmosphere on the streets changed and a crowd gathered around him. Often times, we treat people based on our perception of them. Our perception of people is usually based on the way they are dressed. This video reinforces some key points in life.


1. Never judge a book by its cover. We have heard this several times and by different people. However, people still judge others by their appearance. This is especially true for many ladies, who pursue guys in exquisite cars and suits, and shun those who don’t look like they sweat money.

2. Treat people the way you would want to be treated. Almost everyone would want to be treated right. I said almost because there are still some nutcases out there who live for punishments, and others who do not know any better than the hurt they are accustomed to and have come to accept. If we always behave the way we would love others to behave towards us, it would be almost impossible to regret the way we treated anyone. We should not pick and choose who we should be nice to, based on how we perceive them. Truth be told, it’s easier to just treat everyone well. Negative behaviour requires too much energy that can better be used for something productive.

So people, remember this video when next you think of turning up your noses at someone you meet. Ladies, next time you see a mad man, better hug him because he may just be Dangote's son looking for Mrs. Right.

A letter to my unborn child

My dear child,

I know you can’t wait to come into the world,
but you should know that the world isn’t as beautiful as you think.
It’s filled with evil. Lots and lots of it. Did you hear of the man that was burnt to death because he stole a box of matches? How cruel can one be?
I, my dear, am also eager to hold you in my arms. Tie your hair in a pony tail, with ribbons adorning both sides of your head. I can't wait to dress you like the princess that you truly are…Well, that's if you are a girl.

As for my boy, Cristiano Ronaldo would be our idol. You'd rock every hairstyle that he does. I'm sure when you see him, you would love him. I can't wait to watch football with you and your dad. He'd probably think that I love watching football. Truth be told, Ronaldo is the one I love watching.

My child, you have to be patient. Mummy is trying to get you a good dad. One who'd always be there for you and I. Who would never leave us for some other woman. I want what's best for you and I, my darling. Would you want to come back from school and see me all bruised and broken? There are a lot of men who are wolves, dressed in sheep's clothing. You may not understand now, but someday, long after you finally arrive, you will. Then, you'd understand why mummy never rushed. I know the wait is long, but I promise it would be worth it in the end. Hang on my child, the wait will soon be over.

Yours ever,

Mum

How i became a billionaire's wife

 







"Babes!!" Bisi screamed as soon as I said "Hello"
"I'm bored jo, let's hang out". I asked her where she had in mind, hoping she'd say she would come over to my place as I haven't financially recovered from our last outing. "Let's go to the beach”, she said, after thinking for a while. “Babes, I no get shigbain as I dey so." Bisi laughed in reply. "Broke babe, how much be gate fee? Just 1k. Babes, u dey fall my hand o." "Na trek I go trek reach there abi?” I retorted. “No be transport I go use?" If I come reach there sef, na sand I go chop ba?” After much banter, Bisi finally decided to take care of the expenses, save for the gate fee.

When we got to the beach, it wasn't as crowded as expected. We chose a spot and settled in.  After we had been sitting for a while, Bisi nudged me, saying, "Babes, this guy don dey look me since". She spat out the agbalumo seed she had been sucking on. Bisi was so addicted to agbalumo that she carried the fruit everywhere she went. Well, everywhere, except for churches for some reasons I can't say.

"Which guy?" I asked, as I turned towards where Bisi had indicated. I saw a guy, who was indeed staring at Bisi. "Na wa o, make e come toast me if e wan toast na. He looks loaded too. Abeg make e do come jare." Bisi said. "Chai, Bisi!! You too like money sha." It was as if the guy heard what Bisi said, as he started walking towards us. "Hi ladies!" "Hello" Bisi replied in an accent she only uses when she meets a "potential boo". "Pardon me, but do you have any of that left", the guy said, pointing at the agbalumo in Bisi's hand. "Of course", Bisi replied, reaching into her bag and pulling out one. "Thanks!" The guy smiled, taking the agbalumo Bisi handed to him. How much do I owe you for it?” "Nothing, you can have it.”
"Mind if I sit with you ladies?" "Not at all" Bisi replied, moving her bag to allow Ben, as we later learned his name was, to sit.

Ben was an interesting guy. We chatted like we had known each other for years. I enjoyed being in his company so much that when it was time for him to leave, I didn't want him to. "Can I have your number?" He asked me. I was surprised, not because I wasn't beautiful enough, but because I thought it was Bisi he was interested in. "Sure", I replied. He took out his phone and handed it to me to type in my number. He then turned to Bisi and asked for her number as well, but Bisi refused to give it to him. I was surprised because during our conversation, Bisi had showed a little interest in Ben. When Bisi refused to give him her number, Ben didn't push. Instead, he left.

"Haba, thats unfair", I told Bisi after Ben left. "Wetin? Abeg park well."
"You spoke as if you liked him and then refused to give him your number."
"Story!!! You no see phone wey e carry? That small Nokia torchlight."
"So?" I asked. Bisi looked me at me like I was crazy and said, "I don't deal with broke asses." I thought my friend was shallow, but I didn’t say anything further.
We spent the rest of the evening taking pictures and left afterwards.

It was about 10pm when his call came in. “It’s Ben, we met earlier today."
"Oh, hi Ben." We spoke for a long time and never during our conversation did he mention Bisi. I initially thought of apologizing for Bisi's behaviour earlier, but later decided against it. After Ben hung up, I called Bisi. "Babes, Ben just called o." "Who be that?" Bisi asked. "That Elegushi boy na", I replied. "Ok, so?" Bisi sounded uninterested. "E be like e get money o.  E tey for the call. Na 19mins 15 seconds he spend." My friend hissed and said, “Abegi jo, today no be Sunday? Na wow promo e do." I found myself laughing so hard that tears ran down my cheeks. “You know whether na MTN he dey use? Anyway sha, na MTN." "You see na, e wan quickly finish the bonus before 11.59pm."

Ben and I started talking at least four times a day, every day. He still never talked about Bisi. On the fourth day, while we were on the phone, Ben asked me for my BBM pin. I gave it to him and waited all day for him to add me. However, he never did. To make matters worse, I tried calling him throughout the next day, but I kept getting a response his number was switched off. Bisi who was supposed to be my strength, mocked me instead. “Babes, why you wan kill yourself because e no add you? Maybe the person e bin wan borrow phone from no gree borrow am again, or the money e get no reach buy phone." Ignoring Bisi’s mocking words, I asked, "Why is his number not going through?" “I dunno and I don't care." Bisi retorted.

On the seventh day, I got a BBM request from Ben and I accepted. Words couldn't explain how happy I was. Ben explained that he had been busy and he still had a lot to do before travelling. Not being the inquisitive type, I didn't ask him where he was travelling to. Over the next few months, Ben and I chatted via BBM every day. He also started calling me via BBM voice. I never asked why Ben switched to BBM voice. I thought it was wise to use that as it was cheaper. Why waste money when you have data?

There was no denying that Ben and I had feelings for each other. However, as he did not actually express his feelings for me, I kept my dignity. As a lady, there was no way I was going to jump the gun and tell him how I felt about him. "Maybe he has a girlfriend." I thought to myself one day. That had to be the reason why he hasn't asked me out yet. To make matters worse, he never suggested that we see each other. This whole thing was beginning to kill me. "I think I'll stop chatting with him." I finally said to myself.

The following day, I pretended that my phone battery was low and could neither chat, nor talk. The day after that was my birthday, so I put up pictures on BBM of myself with the cake Bisi got me and wrote, "It's my birthday!!! Thanking God for another year". Bisi was a good friend, who never forgot my birthday. She was always the first person to wish me a happy birthday and she always got me a cake.

At 1pm, Ben pinged me. He was angry that the last time we chatted, I didn't tell him my birthday was coming up. I apologised for not doing so and he asked me what I wanted as a gift. "You can't give me what I want." I responded. "Why is that?" He asked. "Slow down babes", I told myself. "You can't tell him how you feel about him. What do I say now to cover up?" I thought to myself. "Well it's expensive." I found myself saying. "Is it a house?" He asked. "Nah, iPhone 6." "Brb" he said. "Chai! See as e run when u tell am say na iPhone 6 u want." Bisi said angrily. "But I blame you sha." She continued. Why u go ask for iPhone 6 from person wey dey use nokia torch light?" "Abeg no start, shey na Nokia torch light e dey use do BBM call?" I retorted.

Ben called me about five hours later. "Do you know what Brb means?" I asked. It means be right back and you took forever." "I'm sorry." He replied. "I was trying to get your gift. I had to confirm what time my friend's flight was, after which I rushed to get your gift. My friend has it now. He'll call you when he arrives." "Where does your friend live?" I enquired. "He lives approximately five mins away from me." "Okay." I said. "Oh, please can you buy me agbalumo?" Ben asked. You can give it to my friend to bring back to me. Gosh, I miss it badly. You know we don't have it here." "Have it where?" I thought to myself. "If you can, please get me some Ofio too. Only if you can though, but you must buy my agbalumo." I was puzzled, so I asked him, "Where are you?" "Home." He replied. "Where is home?" I pressed. It was now his turn to be puzzled. "I don't understand. What do you mean?" He asked. "What state are you in?" I quizzed. "He told me he was in New Jersey.

"New Jersey?" I thought. I asked Ben why he didn't tell me he was in the US and he said he thought he mentioned it before. I still found it hard to believe, so I asked him to turn on his location on his BBM and he did. When I saw the US flag and the time, I knew he wasn't joking.
He told me he was based in the US, but his parents lived in Nigeria. He had come to Nigeria for his best friend's wedding and had been staying with his aunt when we first met. Ben added that his parents travelled out of Nigeria at that time. "Do you now see why I asked your friend for agbalumo?" He asked. "Makes sense now." I laughed. "By the way, I noticed you haven't spoken about my friend since then" "Well, your friend amazed me. Her expression turned sour at the sight of my phone. It's funny how some girls judge a guy by his phone. I use an iPhone 6 here, but I had issues using it in Nigeria. The only way I could stay in touch with people while I was there was by using my aunt's old phone.

Bisi couldn't believe her ears when I told her everything. She felt bad and asked if there was a way she could make things right. Making things right would ruin my chances with Ben, so I told her I didn't know what could be done. I picked up my parcel from his friend and in it was an iPhone 6.
There was also a Michael Kors wristwatch. I went to bed happy. It appeared that God had blessed me with an American boyfriend.

Three days after I picked up my parcel, I received an e-mail, inviting me for a job interview. It was my first since I graduated from the university, so I was excited. However, when I told Ben about it, he told me not to go. He said he was relocating to Nigeria in six months to oversee his father's companies. His dad was a popular business man and he was retiring. "I could employ you as my PA." Ben continued in a serious tone. "I’ll pay you 500 dollars every month, pending when you start."

Ben came to Nigeria and things moved very fast. He proposed and we got married shortly afterwards. While Ben was saying his vow, I thought back to the day we met. I couldn't believe I was marrying a billionaire. The priest pronounced us husband and wife and just as we were about to kiss, I heard a loud knock on the door. Sandra u dey sleep? Nepa wan cut light o, we dey contribute money for them. “Shit!!!” I exclaimed. I can't believe it was all a dream.